A ‘Just Have’ Type of Woman: It’s His Shoes, Not You
A woman is dating a 35 year old man who tells her he doesn’t want to waste money on taking her out to dinner because he would rather stack his paper for their future. She notices he prides himself on wearing $150 Jordans. Does he value his woman or his shoe?
A dinner date to an upscale restaurant may cost the same as his Jordans, but the difference is those kicks are a “must-have,” and his chic is “a just have.”
A woman will often find herself in this type of arrangement if she instead settled for going to a dude’s crib to chill, eat take out Chipotle, and watch Netflix over of a first date in an upscale restaurant or anywhere other than his crib or hers.
Sure, he may spend hours on the phone with you, texting, Facetiming, etc. While time and consistent behavior leading to quality time in a relationship mean everything, phone calls and compliments mean very little in defining how he values you. If he’s not showing you what you want to see, then he’s showing you what you need to see: Your value is limited in his eyes. And if you’re feeling powerless, confused, and frustrated think about this for a moment. One way a man takes away a woman’s power is by first making her feel guilty for having power in the first place.
All the while he’s selling fake dreams of what their future will be like from all the paper his stacking away, the woman is avoiding coming off as high maintenance. She stops demanding respect and lowers her standards. She even finds herself whipping out her debit card to pay for things so that he doesn’t think she’s a gold digging type chic.
How can she believe he’s stacking paper, when all he can afford are the necessities in life? Yes, he pays his car note, the rent, and brings home enough to keep the lights on, but what does he really do with his disposable income?
All women reading this should take a moment to consider the man their currently talking to, dating, sexing, or whatever the case and ask themselves, “How does this man make me feel?” If the mind throws back words like “powerless, confused, frustrated, or I just don’t know,” then it’s very likely that any chance of having a real relationship with this man is already over. At least in the man’s mind anyway. He just hangs around to upgrade himself and anchor you down.
Women repeatedly compromise themselves in an effort to get a man’s approval. They voluntarily give up control of themselves when they give men like the one above sex without first making sure he invests time and interest. Once he gets the sex, the woman will often find herself doing favors for him, trying to convince him that she understands his lifestyle. She’ll even accept his lame excuses for being broke and placing a pair of sneakers higher on a pedestal than he places her.
Women are so caught up in the dream and hiding their low self-esteem that they fail to realize that a man who values his shoes over a dinner with you has already decided that you are nothing special. To him the shoes or a must-have while you are a just have. Worthy of leftover Chipotle and Netflix…
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